Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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