Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
