Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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