So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
