please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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