my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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