Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
