I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
