Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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