Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
