I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
