You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
