hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
