she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
