Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
