I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
