I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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