I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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