are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
