I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
