How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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