Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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