i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he thought i was a dude.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
