she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
