dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
