Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
