I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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