I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
