Im at strip club and am horny
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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