just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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