I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
