Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You're a waste of cheezeits
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
