Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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