oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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