You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
