I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
