I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
