Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
