what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
