No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
