I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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