I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
