yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
