wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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