god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
