I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
