I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
