Got a toothbrush?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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