I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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