And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
