I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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