Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
