I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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