She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
