Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
